On love: motherhood and medicine
The tensions between work and motherhood are a challenge for many in the medical field. Emily talks with one mother and physician about the love that enables her to fulfil both roles.
Nestled among the red walls and dizzying buttes and mesas lies one of the United States’ 325 federally recognized American Indian Reservations. This rural community is comprised of roughly 7,000 people, most of whom receive their medical care at the local hospital. Here 15–20 physicians work to provide the community with primary healthcare, emergency medicine, and everything in between. Historical trauma inflicted on American Indian communities by neo-colonialist settlers manifests today in the striking social and health disparities these populations continue to face. As a physician in these communities, one faces daily the obstacles of a fractured healthcare system. Your longevity as a provider therefore hinges on love—your love of medicine and your love for your community.
“As a physician in these communities, one faces daily the obstacles of a fractured healthcare system. Your longevity as a provider therefore hinges on love”
I’ve been lucky to call one such provider a friend and even luckier to watch her as a mother. In September of 2022 she, her partner, and their three-year-old son welcomed a second son and a first baby brother into this world. Over the course of her maternity leave I was struck by the grace with which she navigated motherhood. Her love towards her babies was palpable as we spent time chatting over coffees and taking walks timed so that we had a napping infant in tow. It wasn’t until her 12-week maternity leave began to dwindle that talk of her returning to work started to infiltrate our conversations. During this time I wondered how she was managing a transition of such magnitude. I couldn’t help but think that without love and passion for both medicine and motherhood that her transition from maternity leave to work simply wouldn’t be possible. So, in lieu of wondering, I sat down with her to explore the topic of ‘love’ as it pertains to her career in medicine and to her experiences with motherhood.
Image credit: Unsplash
“Without love and passion for both medicine and motherhood, transition from maternity leave to work simply wouldn’t be possible”
What does it mean to love your job as a physician?
To put it simply, I think that to love your job as a physician means that you feel passionate about what you’re doing. Since starting to work here, I’ve realised that without passion for this type of work specifically, people and providers simply don't stay here. And that’s okay because this is a very unique and challenging place to pursue a career in medicine, but without passion this job is simply too frustrating and you’re really not able to get enough done.
You have to take the time to create connections within the community, and it’s important that you really get to know the culture and the families. If you don’t, you aren’t able to develop the trust and rapport required to have meaningful interactions with your patients.
Can you tell me about your experience with motherhood and being a physician? How do you think you’ve merged your role as a parent with your role as a physician?
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I think that to be a female doctor you have to be really driven and assertive, and at the time of my first pregnancy, I put more weight on my value as a physician than on my value as a woman or a mother. But becoming a mom and having my first child really did bring out that inner ‘woman’ and ‘mother’ within me and my priorities definitely shifted.
Do you think that your experiences differed at all between your first and second child?
The experiences for both kids were very different. With our first, I was preoccupied with returning to work, being a great doctor, and not letting anything faze me. In general, I feel like a woman’s body is just expected to bounce back after pregnancy—we’re expected to be skinny and peppy right away, you know, like a stereotypically ‘good woman’. I felt a similar expectation when it came to returning to work and being a physician. It felt like I needed to be just as sharp, smart, and efficient as I was before my maternity leave upon returning to work. In order to meet those expectations I did things like moving the baby out of our room early and we also started to sleep train really early as well. In short, I feel like I adapted my personal life and motherhood to best fit what I thought would support my career.
“I adapted my personal life and motherhood to best fit what I thought would support my career. ”
But then for our second baby I was able to enjoy the newborn period, being a mother, and focusing on family so much that I was in no rush to go back to work. And when I went back to work, I decided to try my best to do things like leave the hospital on time and remind myself that, for the most part, lingering work items could wait. Basically, I started to prioritise my work-life balance and did my best not to feel guilty about it.
Then there’s also the fact that even after returning to work I found myself missing time during the day to pump. So, in some ways, you're also kind of ‘absent’ once you return to work too. Some people could say it's a burden on others, but I’ve realised that it is not—I'm sustaining a life! And in many ways, I feel like it’s actually a burden on me. It's not always pleasant and I find myself feeling anxious and guilty for stepping away during the work day. Not to mention that breastfeeding in general is already really stressful.
Do you feel like you've learned things in your roles as a physician and as a mother that you've applied in the other?
Yes, being a family doctor prepares you to care for and be a part of your own family in a lot of ways! In particular, practising rural medicine here has challenged me to be comfortable with new things and also being uncomfortable. Keeping a cool head applies to so many parts of your life and that's what this job really encourages.
“being a family doctor prepares you to care for and be a part of your own family”
And being a mother has definitely made me more empathetic to kids. I’ll hear a kid crying in a different waiting room and my maternal instincts kick in and it’s like ‘wow!’ I just want to go check on them! Also, having that hands-on experience with kids as they grow and develop. You know, I get to see my own kids reach different developmental milestones and it makes it all the more thrilling to screen a kid for them at work. I’m also able to interact with kids and tailor my exams with them based on their ages—I have a better grasp on the nuances of how to communicate with kids at different stages. For example, how I talk to a two-year-old is very different from how I might talk to a five-year-old.
Do any moments or experiences stand out in your memory as 'ultimate' examples of feeling, finding, and fostering love in both your career and within your family?
While my decision to deliver here was at first based predominantly on the fact that we were experiencing a nationwide labour and delivery shortage, I realised as my delivery date got closer that I was inexplicably and inwardly drawn to this place, and my decision to go through my own labour and delivery here felt natural. The fact that there was, and still is, love and personalised attention and care from my providers made my labour and delivery experience very special.
Ultimately, I just knew that while labour and bonding with your infant is very much a physical experience, it’s also very much mental and emotional. Yes, you need the milk and yes, you need contractions. But your head has to be in it as well; ultimately you have to get yourself through those contractions and through your delivery, and I just knew that delivering here with familiar faces and so close to home would pay off and help me get through the delivery of our second son.